Omnigraffle, and the history of JOBS

Job Ontology Boundary Systems, JOBS for short and Jobs to avoid annoying ALL CAPS, have been around since the first multicellular organism. In the early days the "Us vs. Them" approach worked pretty well, but as soon as life forms had more than one type of cell it became problematic. As is apparent by the abundance of multicellular organisms, this new trend of "differentiation" was a hit and thus the Heteroparty Superiority Complex (HSC) was born (and continues to persist to this day).

Thanks to the technical marvel of Omnigraffle, we can now illustrate the history of Jobs through the ages.

The origin of Jobs is intertwined with the origin of life itself. Living things do stuff, and in the beginning everyone pretty much sucked the same amount. At some point, a mutation occurred and some one sucked just a little less than the rest. Thus the Superiority Complex was born. Obviously, it went right to their head and ever since the strong have attacked the weak, the weak died, those that didn't die sucked less, creating a vicious cycle.

It's not all bad though, at some point the weak decided to join forces and thus the Party System was born. These early parties, called Homoparties were comprised only of organisms of the same kind. None of the party members did anything special, but power in numbers proved to be a powerful tactic.

Then at some point a Party formed with one member slightly different than the others. This was perhaps the biggest single evolution that would happen until years later, when someone dropped a Bagel in Cream Cheese (BCC).

SO, with the evolution of Multicellular organisms, different cells were better at different things. Even though some cells made out like bandits, while others got the short end of the stick despite superior merits, the arrangement was sufficiently mutually beneficial that the status quo continued for quite some time.

The next major change in Jobs didn't occur until the Male Mutation. While the Job system was a hit at the cellular level, multicellular organisms were just not getting the hint that Jobs worked on multiple levels. Then Man Happened. Counter to the popular trend, Man sucked more than everything else at the time. By cruel fate, or perhaps shrewed observation it had become apparent that aptitude (sucking less) didn't actually guarantee success in the party system because of the Short Stick Effect. One party member always gets to mooch off the hard work of other party members, and usually reaps more benefit than the hard working members.

For whatever reason, Woman bought it hard. Not really her fault, years of experience with the party system taught her that different is good. While Woman was better suited for practical things like art, communication, and resource acquisition, Man was mostly good at useless or counter productive stuff like games, wasteful demonstrations of physical or mental prowess, blogging, and war. Not long after this first differentiation at the macro-level, other Jobs emerged. Some Men realized the superiority of Woman, and formed the early predecessor to the modern day Drag Queen job class, Slag Queen (the tools and skills required for a proper Drag Queen would take centuries to refine). Similarly, early Feminists started out as Tom Boys, because they didn't really have a reason to hate Men just yet.

Meanwhile other more productive Job Classes also came about, such as Hunters and Gatherers. Superficially, these might seem like to very different job classes, but they are actually the same thing. Gatherers are obviously the more effective of the two, producing more food with less effort. Hunters were none the less a more prestigious class because, let's face it, meat is Teh NOM (not an acronym).

Over time the classes branched out and specialized. Gatherers begot other effective job classes: Healers, Craftsmen, and in time various forms of Defensive Types. Hunters further devolved into less useful classes such as: Traders, Leaders, and later a variety of Offensive Types.

Not long after that, a Job Class Boom (JCB) occurred. During the time of magic, (the start of which probably coincided with BCC) the major division between classes transitioned from Useful vs. Ineffectual classes to Magic vs. Non-Magic classes. Once magic became extinct this distinction didn't make much sense any more, but fortunately people realized that the Job Class system itself as a means to stereotype people was pretty ridiculous. It works pretty well at the cellular level, but most people are more sophisticated than a cell, and the definition of their aptitude and abilities pretty well defies simple classification.

Still, Jobs provide a convenient way to think about related skills sets, and to a large part still exist today. With the loss of Magic, some White Mages returned to their Healer roots with professions like Doctors, Candy Stripers, and Baristas while others moved on to other social support functions such as Social Workers, IT Support Staff, and Librarians.

Sure, most people defy strict definition into one Job Class or another, but Jobs are more than just about segregation. They are an affirmation of the human spirit, the drive to work towards a goal until either one reaches it, or gets tired of it, or decides it is just too hard, or finds something better to do. Without jobs, we'd all be the same single celled organism. Here's to Jobs, and the pursuit of trying to suck less than everyone else.