This Is the New That, Everything You Know Is Wrong, Things Are Completely Different Now Because We Say So, and Other Such Popycock

Today I went to a presentation put on by two very intelligent and well meaning industry professionals, arranged by similarly intelligent and well meaning coworkers, and was completely disappointed. It is hard to say exactly when things went wrong, but sometime before Y2K hit it seems like a particularity insidious strain of nonsense took root.

Things are constantly changing. I get that, but when exactly did it become news? As I was sitting through the presentation, on Search Engine Optimization, I got an odd feeling like I knew this material. On the bus back to main campus it dawned on me that it seemed really similar to a web strategy proposal I had written for my previous employer over two years ago. None of the ideas were new, and yet these "gurus" were spouting the same things off to a reasonably captivated audience like it was leading-edge information. I twittered about it, and later when I went through my old files I found that I was right. Several of the attendees tweeted about how "interesting" it was. I don't know if I was the only cynic, but on the surface at least I think everyone else was at least putting up a good front unless they really bought it.

Given the time frames, the ideas are at least three years stale. My proposal was from 2007, and I'd started working on it in late 2006. Very few of the ideas put forth were original, they had been gleaned from more groundbreaking work which had to have been at least a year in the making when I found it. Change is not profound, let it go.

I try to not encourage my own ego too much, but if I'm that far ahead of the curve then clearly I'm in the wrong group of peers. I've been working really hard to curtail my judgmental nature lately, but there are days when I feel like I am back sliding... like when I describe a person as "being like a puppy". You know, the puppy you think you want until he chews everything up, and you realize they don't come pre-house broken. I know that I make mistakes too, but cleaning up after other people constantly is bound to make one cynical at some point. Its kind of hard to be an IT Rockstar when you're also having to be an IT Janitor.

So if you find yourself in a meeting and wonder why people are so amazed at the most obvious thing, don't feel alone. I'm sure there are times when I find things to be totally and indescribably awesome when in fact they are really nothing special. I'll just try to keep smiling when other people are impressed and not ruin it for them.

Thank you for calling. Good Bye. *click*

The state department aggravates me. I applied for a passport over a month ago, the check has cleared the bank, and yet, I still have no passport. According to all of their automated information it should take "7 to 10 business days" for the application to show up online. After about two weeks no information about my passport shows up on their website, 4 weeks later, their website is "temporarily unavailable due to routine maintenance," and has been for the past week...... Beg your pardon? A week for routine maintenance tells me that there's something else going on guys....

But of course that's not the worst part, you're instructed to call them if you don't see your passport show up after two weeks, when you call you of course get harassed by the automated system at least twice (possibly more often) to check things online (which are down), and after navigating the fun maze of menus, you get to wait about for a customer service representative. I have yet to speak to one of these alleged humans at the other end of the line; shortly after being put on hold (about 5 seconds), you are told that "all customer service representatives are busy assisting other callers, please call back at a later time." *click*

AGGGGH!!!! That's more frustrating than waiting on hold! You might as well have told me that everyone else that did manage to get through (if that's even possible) are more important than me!

12 years, 4 versions, one thin shred of patience

It's interesting sometimes the complete utter nonsense I find myself doing in my job. And I don't mean dealing with retarded problems or stupid customers. Stupidity and nonsense have a complicated relationship that even imaginary mathematics could never properly illustrate, but that's not to say that one cannot occur without the other. They can. They do.

When you're accessing four different machines from your own, that's a kind of nonsense. Funny nonsense, but still nonsense. When you experience running a virtual machine from another machine that you're accessing over remote desktop connection from your own machine, then you'll know nonsense. It's a moment where you sit and the only thought in your mind is, "what the hell?" And it's not like dealing with stupidity or even nonsense born out of stupidity. That sort of thing makes you mad, frustrated, or even just numbs you. Real nonsense is that moment of clarity where you realize that whatever you're doing or just did is completely absurd, and not because of something you or someone else did. It just is.

My current foray into nonsense-world is what inspires the title for this post. Consider the following:

1) A license manager software that is 10+ years old and made for Windows NT Server and Windows 3.11 and 95 clients, being set up for 2) the latest version of a particular research software, released in late 2008, installed on 3) a virtual machine running Windows Server 2008 4) that I am accessing by Remote Desktop Connection, 5) and which requires a USB license dongle 6) that is connected to a completely different server 7) located in a different building on a different campus 8) that I am accessing over the network 9) via a piece of software that creates a virtual USB hub and shares the dongle to that virtual hub.

Short version, I'm installing a 12 year old license manager on a Windows platform that is ~4 versions beyond it on a machine that technically doesn't exist using a usb device that technically is not connected to it.

...the hell?

Pointless to complain

but...

In a way it's bad enough eating a chocolate rabbit.  But today I saw a chocolate cross.  And somehow that just seems really weird, if not somewhat wrong...

Dancing that fine snarky line.

So tonight I got an e-mail from a self-professed "thought leader", you know, one of those "professional bloggers". This is someone who was in some way-shape-or-form upset by a post I made in response to a post on their blog. Not a comment on their blog mind you, a post in a totally different space on the Internet. It is always fun when random personalities on the Internet collide, kinda like a really no-hold-barred Brownian Motion. One of the nice things about being human is you get to deal with all kinds of people, people with very different values than your own.

My post was mildly snark and mildly serious, and pointed out the very subtly snarky nature of this contractor's critique of certain academic web sites. Apparently my meta-snarkiness was not well received.

While people are learning whole new ways to be ashamed of their fellow man on the Internet, WRAL.com "user comments" (or any just about any "news" site's comments for that matter) being a prime example, I am finding new way to appreciate and celebrate the diversity of our species. My primarily medium is snarkyness.

Van Gogh had oils, Michelangelo had stone, I've got snark. One day I hope to hone it down to a fine point, the mightiness of which the pen nor the sword has ever known. From the early days as a Monkey Island playing tween, the application of wit to social interaction has fascinated me. I think I still have a long way to go. The Internet is a crude medium still.

Snark and anonymity do not go hand in hand. If you have no credentials, best not to waste your breath. That having been said, snark is a lot a lot like lighter fluid. You'd better know what you're doing. Practicing under the veil of anonymity is probably best. When the time is right, like any artist, you need a proper Coming Out.

I am just finally at the point that I think I'm ready for my coming out. I've long stated that one of my career goals is to become a quirky campus personality. I consider my participation in a formal diversity training program to be my "finishing school". This isn't South Park. Snark as a career has to be brandished like the Bushido blade. If you fuck up, it's seppuku for you! I think snark has been used for enough evil on the Internet and in popular culture. Time for it to be used for some good.

Through grinding on a few of these "professional bloggers", the kind that like to use track-back like it is some sort of lame weapon of shame, I've gained a couple of levels in Snark Knight. It makes a particularly brutal combo with WHM sub-class. A few more levels won't hurt though...